A Pediatrician’s Tips for Parents

If you’re like most parents, the idea of having “the talk” about puberty and sex with your kids feels awkward and intimidating. Your discomfort doesn’t mean you should put off talking about sex, though.

Experts emphasize that starting these conversations earlier than you might expect — and keeping the lines of communication open — is the best way to keep your child informed, empowered and safe.

Sarah Sukkar, M.D., lead pediatrician for the School Health Initiative, spends much of her day talking to adolescents about puberty, sex and making healthy, informed choices. She offers practical tips to help you confidently approach “the talk” with your child.

Start talking about sex earlier.

While every child is different, Dr. Sukkar recommends beginning conversations with your child about puberty and body changes before they actually start happening — typically around ages 9–11. “One size doesn’t fit all kids, but the general recommendation I would give to parents is, you probably have to start having the talk earlier than you thought,” says Dr. Sukkar.

Your child’s pediatrician will likely begin addressing these topics in annual visits with preteens, sometimes asking parents to step out of the room.

If you’re noticing body changes, that’s your signal to start talking about what’s happening and why. Normalizing the conversation early ensures that kids feel comfortable coming to you later with more complex questions.

Acknowledge the awkwardness

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable talking to your kids about puberty and sex. Your child likely feels the same way. Consider opening up the conversation by acknowledging the awkwardness but letting them know why keeping the lines of communication open is important.

Dr. Sukkar recommends starting with language like the following: “Hey, I know this might feel awkward to talk about, but I want to make sure you get good information from me instead of from friends or online.”

Framing the talk this way helps build trust and keeps the door open for future conversations –– even if they act disinterested or mortified.

Keep conversations age-appropriate

Start small and add details over time.

For younger kids (as early as 4–5), it’s helpful to teach them the correct names for body parts and introduce concepts of privacy. Explain that the parts of their body covered by clothing are private, and even a doctor only examines them with a parent present.

For older children, especially those in middle school, the focus should shift to body changes, hormones and the emotional and physical aspects of intimacy.

Some teens are sexually active at younger ages, so middle school isn’t too early to explain topics like sexual activity, contraception and how to prevent STDs.

Keep in mind that every child is different, and you don’t need to share everything all at once. Let your child’s curiosity and maturity guide what you discuss and when.

Stay ahead of social media and peers.

Kids today often learn about sex and relationships from TikTok, YouTube or their friends long before you think they’re ready. This doesn’t mean the information they’re getting is accurate or appropriate, so it’s important to let your kids know how to get correct information.

“I have a lot of teens who come into my office already having sex, who have never had the talk with their parents. They’re relying exclusively on learning from their peers,” says Dr. Sukkar.

It’s not uncommon for kids to require treatment for STDs they know little about. “They don’t know the names of the STDs, but now they have one, and so often, we’re the ones doing a lot of the education,” says Dr. Sukkar.

Even short conversations about sex can go a long way. Dr. Sukkar recommends the following:

• Cover the basics early, including body changes, attraction and reproduction.
• Encourage your child to ask questions about what they’ve heard or seen.
• Clarify misconceptions in a calm, non-judgmental way.
• Consider adding age-appropriate filters to your child’s devices so they aren’t exposed to content for a mature audience.

The American Academy of Pediatrics website, HealthyChildren.org, is an expansive resource for talking to your kids about puberty and sex.

Your child’s doctor is also a reliable source of information if your child isn’t comfortable discussing sex with you. The goal is to ensure they view a trusted adult as a reliable source of information — not their peers or social media.

Keep the conversation going.

The “talk” isn’t just a one-time event. Puberty, relationships and sexual health are ongoing topics that evolve as your child grows. Addressing these subjects early makes it easier to revisit them over time.

When parents avoid these conversations, kids often rely on friends or the internet, which can lead to misinformation or too much exposure too early. In some cases, teens who aren’t taught about sexual health are more likely to face consequences like unplanned pregnancies or STDs.

The earlier you start, the better your child will be prepared to navigate puberty, relationships and their body confidently.

By normalizing these discussions, you’re helping your kids feel safe, informed, and supported as they grow.

Wendy Margolin is a contributor for UHealth’s news service.

Tags: child care in Miami, Dr. Sarah Sukkar, early conversations, grown up talks, healthy aging, parent-child communication