Building Community, One Neighbor at a Time

Knowing your neighbors benefits your emotional and physical health.

As I tidied up my desk at the end of another day working from home, I heard a soft, insistent knocking at my front door. Opening the door, I looked down to see a predicament only a seven-year-old boy can conjure up. Pointing to the fishing lure hooked in the fabric of his shorts, my young neighbor asked, “Can you help me with this?” For a week, I’d seen the boy carry his prize tackle box as he played with the neighborhood kids. His fascination with shiny objects had finally come back to bite him.

I quickly realized the right person for the job wasn’t me, but his mother. Walking as gingerly as a bomb squad, I escorted him back home. His mother thanked me profusely as I handed over her child and his tackle. Walking back to my house, I felt grateful her son trusted me enough to ask for help.

Some people might bristle at the interruption, but I consider myself lucky to live where neighbors host cookouts, borrow the proverbial cup of sugar, and look out for each other. When an elderly neighbor fell, the couple across the street rushed to her aid. After my mother died, a neighbor delivered hugs and comfort food. When hurricanes blow through town, we group text, “Are you okay?” “Do you have power?” “Do you need anything?”

We come from all walks of life, and busy as we are, our random acts of neighborliness don’t seem like an imposition. By building connections, we’ve built a community support system.

In today’s world, these connections are more important than ever, according to Felicia Gallucci, M.D., a psychiatrist at the University of Miami Health System. “In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, ‘belonging’ is a priority. One of the social determinants of health is the quality of the community you live in. People thrive when they feel connected; connectedness has a huge protective factor.”

Loneliness: an insidious epidemic

Despite our digital connectivity (or perhaps because of it), Americans lack substantive human interactions. A 2023 report from Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy, M.D., exposed our loneliness and social isolation epidemic, with some alarming conclusions:

• One in two adults in America admit to feeling lonely – a statistic recorded before the COVID-19 pandemic.
• The physical health risks of loneliness are as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
• Poor or insufficient social connection is linked to a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, as well as an increased risk of anxiety, depression, and dementia.

A research letter published by JAMA in December 2024 reiterates the surgeon general’s report. It stated that loneliness and isolation were significant before and after the early pandemic, especially among older adults.

Dr. Gallucci agrees with the findings. “In a cyclical fashion, disconnectedness or loneliness increases depression and anxiety. It further intensifies the mental state. Physical symptoms such as chest pain, nausea, aches and pains, and other symptoms can also be tied into depression and anxiety.” The surgeon general’s report went on to say that social isolation leads to societal dysfunction in schools, workplaces, and other environments.

But wait – aren’t social isolation and loneliness the same thing? Not exactly. While social isolation means having few social relationships, roles, or interactions with others, loneliness is an internal feeling of being isolated and having unmet needs. It’s the gap between what you would like life to feel like and what it actually is. And you don’t have to live alone to feel lonely or isolated.

Ask yourself this question.

The surgeon general’s report also said that “less than 20% of individuals who often or always feel lonely or isolated recognize it as a major problem.” Dr. Gallucci understands how this can happen. “People normalize it by thinking, ‘This is just what life is.’ It’s easy to get caught up in the cycle.”

Dr. Gallucci has a strategy if you suspect that your emotional or physical health is suffering from a lack of social connection.

“If you feel you’ve become derailed from your best self, reflect on a time when you were happier and less anxious. At what point in your life was that?”

For some, it might be their college years. Empty nesters may feel holidays aren’t the same with their kids grown and gone. In both instances, they had a sense of belonging.

Who needs neighbors? I’ve got family and friends.

If you have plenty of people in your circle, you might not want to add more, but not everyone has a Hallmark family. The recent election, for example, gave comedians plenty of fodder on the hazards of holiday dinner discussions. Friends are great, but maybe your BFFs don’t live nearby.

“With neighbors, as sometimes opposed to friends, you create a sense of community and cohesion where you live. From a safety standpoint, familiarity allows you to have each other’s back,” says Dr. Gallucci.

It takes a village

Community connections, Dr. Gallucci says, build resilience in children and can even offset Adverse Childhood Events (ACES). Children need to realize that other adults besides their parents care about their welfare, whether that’s supporting the Cub Scout fundraiser or being a safe person they can contact in an emergency.

Social connections are vital for the elderly, too.

“Like kids, the elderly are vulnerable. As they age, adults become less physically mobile, which reduces their autonomy and socialization,” Dr. Gallucci says. Helping an older neighbor doesn’t necessarily mean a major commitment. In five minutes, I can take my elderly neighbor’s trashcan to the curb. When that same neighbor sits on her porch, and kids stop by to show off their latest bike or skateboard trick, the multigenerational moment pays mutual dividends.

Some people intentionally avoid interacting with the folks next door. After all, they might talk your ear off when you’re trying to get yard work done or never return the tool you loaned them.

Dr. Gallucci urges you to reconsider. “If you’re stuck at work and know a neighbor well enough to text, ‘Can you let my dog out?’, it’s a support, a respite.” Or maybe you’re out of town when an important package arrives. Perhaps your air conditioner broke, and the person next door has a great repair person.

“Approach things as a village. People thrive when they have connectedness and find bonds within and outside of their own age group,” Dr. Gallucci says. As you connect with others, it’s okay to set boundaries and say “no” if you don’t have the time or energy. Often, however, small, quick interactions are rewarding. When my neighbor’s driveway flooded from a burst sprinkler pipe, I called her immediately. Another neighbor shut off the water. The interaction took less than 15 minutes, but it deepened our appreciation of each other.

Breaking the ice

How do you build community if you don’t have one? “Small gestures go a long way. If you smile at a neighbor, it makes you seem more approachable and familiar, as does discussing basic introductory topics like the weather or that new building in your neighborhood. Preparing some discussion topics is helpful,” Dr. Gallucci says.

Children and dogs are great icebreakers, too. I live on a street with 10 (yes, 10) children aged 10 and under, and in a community of dog walkers. The pet owners interact with each other, and each of those 10 kids (except the youngest) knows me by first name.

No neighbors? No problem!

Maybe you don’t have the resources to host a cookout, carpool, or let the neighbor’s dog out. Maybe your neighbors aren’t approachable. Dr. Gallucci recommends casting a wider net. “A nearby community center may have recurring events where you meet people who live close by. Schools and sports events are also a huge opportunity to connect.”

As the surgeon general’s report states, increasing our social interactions requires “taking small steps every day to strengthen our relationships.”

Connectivity begins at home.

Dr. Gallucci also suggests evaluating the existing relationships within our own four walls. “How are we fostering connectedness? How present are we with our family and friends? What is the quality and genuineness of our relationships? We may need to pause social media and put down our phones.”

Don’t expect texting to deepen the quality of your relationships, either. Without face-to-face interactions, Dr. Gallucci says, “There’s a huge disconnect.” Without body language or intonation, we miss social cues.

To strengthen personal bonds, you could make the dinner table a phone-free zone. Ditto for driving kids to school; you may endure awkward silences at first, but eventually, drivetime could be an opportunity to reconnect.

As a work-from-home writer, I’m not always eager for a knock on my door. In time, however, I’ve learned that momentary interruptions become meaningful opportunities to turn neighbors into friends.

Nancy Moreland is a regular contributor to the UHealth Collective. She has written for several major health care systems and the Centers for Disease Control. Her writing also appears in the Chicago Tribune and U.S. News & World Report.

Tags: Community resilience, Dr. Felicia Gallucci, Neighborhood relationships, Social connections