Emotions vs. Feelings: What’s the Difference and How to Manage Both

Learn how emotions and feelings differ, why it matters for mental health, and practical strategies to improve emotional self-control and resilience.

Have you ever had an emotional outburst cause problems? If so, you’re not alone. Emotions are a big part of life, and everyone has felt overwhelmed by them. But what are emotions? Are they different from feelings? How can we best manage both?

“As important as emotions and feelings are, we don’t get taught about them. They are not interchangeable,” says Elisa Diaz, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with the University of Miami Health System.  “Emotions are automatic and can be strong. They get experienced in the body, on a physiological level. Feelings are how we think about the emotion and interpret it,” she says.

Emotions are raw data. Interpretation is key.

“Emotions are instant reactions to present conditions. They get experienced in the body. Feelings reflect the labels we apply to the signals our bodies send. In managing your emotions, understanding the difference between emotions and feelings is important,” Dr. Diaz explains.

The American Psychological Association defines emotions as complex, instantaneous patterns that mark how your body reacts to your environment. The emotion you feel depends on how you interpret your body’s signals. Emotions shape our feelings, but feelings come from our thoughts.

For example, during turbulence on a plane, a parent may tense up and feel fear, imagining a crash. Meanwhile, their child, flying for the first time, may be surprised and laugh as they enjoy the bouncing.

In both cases, the body generates signals that are sent to the brain, which then labels them as one emotion or another. “Many areas of the brain are involved in how we process emotions,” she says. These include the prefrontal cortex, the limbic system, and the amygdala.

How many emotions are there?

In the 1970s, psychologist Paul Ekman theorized that six human emotions are common to all cultures and that people convey them through facial expressions. His list included happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise.

Eventually, Eckman expanded his list of basic emotions. He added ones that do not always elicit facial expressions right away. The added emotions included amusement, contempt, guilt, pride, relief, satisfaction and shame.

Over time, other, more complex depictions of the range of our emotions have emerged. A list of 27 emotions emerged from an important 2017 study. On that list were negative reactions such as anxiety, awkwardness, boredom and confusion. It also included positive emotions such as interest, pride, and triumph.

Basic emotions can also combine to produce mixed emotions. Think of a parent who is both happy when their child graduates from high school and sad that their child will soon leave for college.  

Emotional self-regulation is a skill we learn and practice.

Children learn to live with their emotions gradually, as they mature. Parents, caregivers and teachers impart strategies and provide role models.

“Adults can encourage kids to name both emotions and their feelings, and remind them that everyone has them. Adults can also talk about their own emotions and steps they are taking to handle them,” says Dr. Diaz.

In this way, children can acquire coping strategies. If they’re angry, just like adults, kids can try deep breathing before taking other action or addressing a person they are mad at. If they are sad, they can ask for a hug, play with their pet or squeeze a favorite stuffed animal.

Importantly, adults can model self-regulation and the use of similar techniques, telling the child what they are doing. A parent might say, ‘I was sad when I dropped my favorite mug. But I took a deep breath and reminded myself it is only a thing. Also, I might glue it together to hold pencils.’ The adult might mention other ways that they cope with their own emotions. This teaches kids that they have options for soothing themselves and carrying on.

It’s helpful for adults to routinely ask their children about their emotions and feelings, the thoughts that emotions arouse. This normalizes such conversations and frees children to ask for the help they need.

Therapy can provide key lessons.

Do you want to better handle your own emotions?  “If a person is aware of not being in good control consistently, that’s important. It’s hard to improve if you’re not aware that self-control is an issue for you,” says Dr. Diaz.

We can increase our capacity to judge situations calmly and reduce our tendency to be swamped by emotions. In so doing, we can gain more emotional self-control.

Therapy can help. Dr. Diaz often uses cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), an approach supported by years of research.

CBT can help someone learn to act, in a way, as their own therapist. It may include exercises a client can do during therapy sessions or later. People learn to better manage emotions by changing how they think about them. Clients may come to realize that they tell themselves recurrent stories that may not be true and that affect how they react to emotions. CBT emphasizes practical skills for coping with problems.

Your physical state affects your emotional self-control.

A healthy lifestyle can contribute greatly. “Integrating healthy routines helps us manage our days and stay balanced…feeding yourself well, following a good schedule for sleep and exercise, and making time for the things you enjoy,” says Dr. Diaz. Whether it’s outdoor activities, reading, movies, or spending time with friends, fit in the things that matter to you.

“And don’t beat yourself up if you had a day where you reacted strongly to something. We are human. Things happen, and we may have an outburst,” she says.

Be moderate in using substances such as alcohol and marijuana. Such substances heavily affect your brain’s neurotransmitters. “It’s neurotransmitters that allow you to interpret the world. They help you regulate your emotions, your feelings, and your responses to different events,” says Dr. Diaz. Disrupted neurotransmitters can impair self-regulation and hijack our self-control.

Mediation helps lower reactivity.

“I suggest meditation to my patients all the time. Research shows how much it can help us manage strong emotions,” Dr. Diaz says.

She suggests trying a meditation app if you are a beginner. “You’ll hear the voice telling you to close your eyes and leading you step by step, if you don’t know what to do,” she says.

Here are 10 apps suggested by Psychology Today. Several are especially good for beginners.  

Age-old questions.

Questions about the sources of our emotions and how to control emotions have engaged philosophers and scientists since ancient times.  Aristotle pondered how emotions can impede reason. Stoic ideas, quite popular today, stress a calm, problem-solving mindset as vital for good decisions and success.

Written by Milly Dawson. Medically reviewed by Elisa Diaz, Psy.D.

Tags: Dr. Elisa Diaz, emotional self-regulation, how to control emotions, managing strong emotions