Can’t Calm Down? Learn How to Regulate Your Nervous System

It’s unsettling when you can’t think straight because you feel “burned out.”

This disruptive feeling of imbalance and exhaustion is often triggered by ongoing stress and anxiety that leads to fatigue, worsened by poor sleep. Other symptoms include muscle tension, digestive issues, and elevated blood pressure.

“From a neuropsychological perspective, these symptoms are the result of an imbalance between the brain’s primal threat/reward center and the executive function systems of the brain,” says Rene Hernandez Cardenache, Psy.D., a clinical neuropsychologist with the University of Miami Health System.

What’s happening in the brain and body when your nervous system is impaired?

In emotionally overwhelmed states, the amygdala (your brain’s ‘emotional alarm system’) becomes hyperactive and enters a fight, flight, or freeze mode. This is your body’s stress response to perceived threats.

“The prefrontal cortex (your brain’s ‘emotional brake system’) is responsible for executive functions involved in reasoning, impulse control, and cognitive appraisal,” Dr. Hernandez Cardenache says. “When you’re emotionally dysregulated, the prefrontal cortex remains largely underactive and fails to soothe or inhibit the amygdala’s alarm system. Such a failure results in a period of emotional dysregulation.” 

The fight or flight response is often described as our instinctive response to being chased by a predator in the wild. In the modern world, the “threat” could be an unexpected email from your boss, a horror movie, or a car cutting you off on the road. Regardless of the cause, your body’s fight or flight response may be more disruptive than helpful.

“While extreme mood lability, anger, and crying spells are common, dysregulation can also be completely internal,” Dr. Hernandez Cardenache says. “It can manifest as subtle over-control, perfectionism, or emotional numbness.” Some people get the impulse to avoid or run away from conflict (this is the flight response). Others describe feeling paralyzed with indecision and an inability to act (the freeze mode). Other people get enraged and “see red” when overly stressed (in “fight” mode).

All of these can make it difficult to feel grounded, make sound decisions, and navigate life’s challenges with a clear head.

Emotional imbalance is not a medical nor mental health diagnosis.

“People without any diagnosed clinical condition can have periods of emotional dysregulation due to life stressors impacting the body’s stress-response system,” he says. “All emotions provide valuable information about your needs, regardless of how uncomfortable they feel. A common trap is judging yourself for experiencing negative emotions, which can quickly amplify the distress.”

If you stay in a prolonged state of emotional imbalance, it can lead to physical and mental health problems and strain your social and professional relationships. “But, pushing your emotions away or avoiding your feelings does not regulate them,” Dr. Hernandez Cardenache says. “Suppressing feelings drains cognitive resources and is linked to worse long-term outcomes. It’s possible to feel intense emotions profoundly without acting out impulsively.” If your emotions feel out of control, you don’t have to stew in anger or isolate in shame.

Try the following evidence-based approaches to reset your nervous system.

Engage your vagus nerve.

The vagus nerve is the longest and most complex cranial nerve in your body. It connects the brainstem to the heart, lungs, and digestive tract.

“During periods of emotional dysregulation, the vagus nerve acts as a physiological brake system to downregulate the stress-response system and prevent the body from spinning out of control. This ‘primary neural highway’ of the parasympathetic system can help regulate, buffer, and terminate emotional and physical responses,” Dr. Hernandez Cardenache says.

“You can engage your vagus nerve through the following targeted physical habits that stimulate its branches. Over time, these actions improve ‘vagal tone,’ allowing your body to transition from a stressed state to a calmed state.”

• Respiratory adjustments (breath to heart beat signaling): Breathe slowly and extend the exhalations to trigger your body’s respiratory sinus arrhythmia process.

• Vocalization and muscle vibration (throat stimulation): Hum, chant, or gargle to stimulate your vagus nerve with vibrations.

• Thermal activation (the dive reflex): Expose your face or neck to cold temperatures, which activates a basic survival mechanism known as the mammalian dive reflex. When freezing water hits the face, specifically the areas around the eyes and nose, sensory nerves (trigeminal nerve) send an immediate message to the brain stem. In response, the brain instantly commands the vagus nerve to release a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine. Acetylcholine acts as a chemical brake system on the heart, slowing the heart rate and shifting blood flow to vital organs and halting the production of the stress hormone cortisol.

Use sensory grounding techniques.

“Sensory grounding techniques can physically reset your nervous system,” Dr. Hernandez Cardenache says. “This can involve temperature resets (thermal activation), paced breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation.”

• Paced breathing: Inhale deeply through your nose for four seconds then exhale slowly through your mouth for six to eight seconds. “Such exhalations signal safety to the vagus nerve and reduce the activation of the stress response system,” he says.

• Progressive muscle relaxation: Hold (tense/contract) each muscle group for five seconds, then release for 15 seconds. This will “help your body release the physical stress associated with negative emotions,” he says.

Change your way of thinking.

“By changing the maladaptive thought patterns linked to negative emotions, you can have greater control and mastery over your emotional functioning,” Dr. Hernandez Cardenache says.

Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT): This type of therapy teaches mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. With a licensed mental health professional, DBT can help you learn to tolerate distress, identify triggers, and respond appropriately.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): “Working with a licensed mental health professional qualified to administer CBT can help you manage emotional dysregulation by restructuring the underlying maladaptive thought patterns that cause intense negative emotions and activate the sympathetic nervous system, particularly the ‘fight or flight’ mode,” he says.

“The therapist targets the cognitive framework driving the negative emotions that lead directly to your emotional dysregulation. By replacing the negative or maladaptive thoughts with positive or adaptive thoughts, the negative emotions do not surface and do not activate the sympathetic nervous system, protecting you from ‘emotional dysregulation’.”

Biofeedback: “Biofeedback with a qualified professional can assist you with emotional dysregulation by converting your bodily stress signals into real-time auditory or visual data, allowing you to consciously train your nervous system to remain calm,” Dr. Hernandez Cardenache says.

“While self-help resources can inform you on how to calm down, and CBT can target your maladaptive thoughts, biofeedback bridges the gap by showing you exactly how your physiology (i.e., heart rate, breathing, and galvanic skin response) responds to stress and how to control it.”

Emotional dysregulation is not a personality defect.

Feeling this way can be highly manageable if you master techniques to reframe your emotional and physical reactions to stressful events and emotional triggers

Written by Dana Kantrowitz. Reviewed by Rene Hernandez Cardenache, Psy.D.

Tags: Dr. Rene Hernandez Cardenache, fight or flight response, grounding techniques for anxiety, how to calm your nervous system, paced breathing, signs of chronic stress