Can Emotional Intelligence Be Learned? Experts Say Yes

In a technology-saturated world, emotional intelligence has never been more important. After all, quantum computing and artificial intelligence aren’t human, nor can they feel or react in our uniquely messy, complicated way.

But what is emotional intelligence exactly? And, perhaps more importantly, is it teachable?

“It’s a person’s ability to perceive, to regulate and to manage intrapersonal and interpersonal emotions,” says Elisa Diaz, Psy.D., a psychologist with the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine.  In other words, “how well someone manages their inner emotional life as well as the emotions that shape their interactions with others.”

The concept of emotional intelligence has existed for decades.

Dr. Diaz adds that we all know people who excel in this area. “Some people are very good at managing their feelings and reading the room. They seem to naturally know what’s appropriate.”

The idea of EQ as it relates to IQ (intelligence quotient), entered the public consciousness in 1995, when American psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman published a book on the subject. Emotional Intelligence was translated into 40 languages and stayed on the New York Times bestseller list for 18 months.

Suddenly, EI or EQ was a much-debated topic in psychology and a popular construct in self-help circles. Author Goleman’s ideas of what constituted EI — self‑regulation, self‑awareness, motivation, empathy, and social skills—influenced everything from corporate hiring to leadership training and student development. Unfortunately, over time the concept has been misused and oversimplified.

Today, psychologists and other mental health experts define emotional intelligence as consisting of 4 components:

• Self-awareness. This entails recognizing your emotions and understanding how they impact behavior.
• Self-regulation. As the term implies, this skill requires managing one’s reaction to feelings.  Or as Dr. Diaz explains, “Humans have a wide range of emotions, but just because we have them doesn’t mean we have to act on them.”
• Social awareness. It’s not enough to “read” your own emotions, a person with a high EQ is also able to recognize emotions in others and acknowledge how these can affect social interactions.
• Social skills. This involves the ability to build relationships, communicate clearly, collaborate with others, and resolve conflicts when they arise.

All four of these “traits” are important, but the first two intrapersonal skills are essential. “You have to know yourself, know how you react to situations, in order to develop the other [components of] emotional intelligence,” Dr. Diaz explains. “It’s a trickle-down effect.”

Research has shown that emotional intelligence is “important in our success, whether it’s at school, at work, or in our relationship with others,” she adds.

One 2006 study looked at how EI correlated with academic success and professional performance in the health professions. It found that higher EI scores matched success in school and in careers, especially with jobs that required teamwork, communication, or dealing with patients.

However, leading researchers in the field warn that EI isn’t a magic bullet.

Though high EI can compensate for a lower IQ, it takes more than social skills and self-awareness to succeed in the academic and business worlds. In fact, it’s a combination of high IQ and high EI that translates to the best performance.

For all its importance in the personal and professional arenas, recent global data points to a “significant decline” in EI. A longitudinal study of 28,000 adults across 166 countries showed a 5.79% drop globally in EQ from 2019–2024, as measured in eight EI competencies. The 2025 report, published in Frontiers in Psychology, found that it wasn’t a small blip either, but a steady decline — an “Emotional Recession.” Researchers tied the decline to stressors of the post-pandemic world, which have resulted in burnout, chronic stress, social disconnection, and economic pressure.

“We’re losing some of these skills because of the lack of practice,” Dr. Diaz explains.

There is, however, good news.

Emotional intelligence is not a fixed point.

Adults can improve their skills and children can learn better behaviors with proper training:

Cultivate self-awareness.

Dr. Diaz suggests writing down your emotions in a journal to help keep track of triggers.

“Writing forces you to stop and reflect,” she explains. With children, you can have them illustrate what they’re feeling. But if journaling (or drawing) is not your thing, talk to an understanding, non-judgmental friend who will be open to your emotions. Prompts in self-help books can also help. If this doesn’t work, seek a therapist.

Develop emotional regulation.

Count to ten. Walk away. Take a cold shower. The idea is to delay the automatic, and often negative, reaction. Try to do this every day, in both small and significant situations. Children can also benefit when parents insist on delayed gratification. For example, a child can go out to play after finishing homework.

Practice mindfulness.

This dovetails well with emotional regulation. Take a few minutes every day to “check in” with your body. You can do this by employing deep breathing techniques, meditation or any other calming practice you prefer. The idea is to allow yourself to be quiet and present in the moment. “In our world, where there is constant movement and noise in the background, this can be one of the hardest things to do,” Dr. Diaz adds.

Flex your empathy muscle.

Most of us have a tendency to rush to judgment. Try this instead: listen closely to what the person is saying. Pay attention to non-verbal cues.  “We don’t always take into account why someone might be reacting in a particular way,” Dr. Diaz says. “It’s important to keep in mind that everyone is going through something. Put yourself in their shoes.”

Get social.

Attend parties and networking events. Participate in team projects at work. Sign up for community activities. Join a club or team. If you’re shy or out of practice, start small. “Introduce yourself to one person and build from that,” Dr. Diaz advises. “It’ll help you get over the awkwardness and anxiety.”

Building your emotional intelligence doesn’t mean stifling negative feelings or being permanently positive and nice. It’s about expressing yourself authentically and building strong relationships with others. It’s the framework that helps a person understand and name their feelings, work in a group, finish a task, and deal with people who have different personalities.

“You can develop your EQ and teach your kids the skills over time,” Dr. Diaz adds. “But it’s not something you do just once. It requires daily practice.”

Written by Elisa Diaz. Reviewed by Elisa Diaz, Psy.D.

Tags: Dr. Elisa Diaz, emotional resilience, empathy skills, mindfulness and emotional health, personal development