Expert Tips: How to Make Friends as an Adult

Friendship is one of life’s greatest treasures, and, as the philosopher Socrates famously said: “There is no possession more valuable than a good and faithful friend.” Yet, making — and keeping— friends can be a challenge in the 21^st Century.

In fact, mental health experts have been warning of a friendship recession for years. For the past three decades, the number of close friends Americans have and the time they spend with them has been steadily declining.  A 2021 survey, followed by a complementary 2024 study, found that the number of people with no close friends had more than quintupled, from 3% in 1990 to 17% in 2024. Large friend circles have been decimated as well. In 1990, 33% of Americans said they had 10 or more close friends. That number is now 13%.

No wonder that, in 2023, then-Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared a national loneliness epidemic. He warned that about half of U.S. adults are experiencing considerable levels of loneliness. This sense of isolation can be traced to our gradual withdrawal from the communal life typically found with civic and neighborhood organizations, social clubs and hobby groups, and places of worship.

And that isolation can affect physical, mental, and societal health.

“Friendships fill an important need we all have,” says Daniel E. Jimenez, Ph.D., a psychologist and behavioral health provider with the University of Miami Health System. “Friends help us carry the load. They help us celebrate and, on a deeper level, they reflect who we are.”

Several studies and meta‑analyses underscore how supportive friendships reduce depression, anxiety, and even long‑term health risks. One 2023 review of 38 studies, for example, found that socializing with friends can predict better wellbeing and that supportive friends serve as a buffer against mental health issues. This was true across countries and age groups.

“At the end of the day,” Dr. Jimenez adds, “we’re social creatures. We’re not meant to live by ourselves for long periods of time. We crave the company of others.”

Yet, making and keeping friends has never been more difficult. In this era of round-the-clock virtual communication, actual human connection has slowly eroded. The reasons are many. Dr. Jimenez cites increased work and family demands, longer commutes, shrinking free time, more mobility, and fewer shared rituals.

In other words, life has become both more structured and hurried.

Yet, making and keeping friends requires the opposite: unstructured time, easy talk, and quiet moments to share confidences.

Technology has not helped. Social media “may scratch the itch,” as Dr. Jimenez puts it, but it’s a poor substitute for true face-to-face interaction.  “We’ve gotten used to doing things at home. We shop from home, we take classes at home, we work from home.  We’re not really seeing people in person.”

What’s more, there’s been a loss of “third spaces.” These are informal but essential community hubs other than the home and workplace where people come together to socialize. These include community clubs, park leagues, library adult classes, and churches and synagogues. In the past, these were the places adults usually made friends after they left school or college.

Social isolation is not inevitable, however. With a bit of effort, anyone can make new friends and nurture old friendships. “Friendship,” Dr. Jimenez says, “requires both attention and intention. You need to work at it.”

Here are his suggestions:

Be proactive.

Join a club or a league. Attend Trivia Night at the bookstore. Show up to talks at the library. Get out there — but don’t do it haphazardly. Choose your activity wisely. If you’re doing what you like, it’s a lot easier to make friends because you’ll be sharing a common interest.

“I’m big on hobbies because having a hobby is the quickest and easiest way to meet people who like what you like,” Dr. Jimenez says. “That makes for a good foundation.”

Even if you don’t have a hobby, pursue that interest you’ve always been meaning to learn more about. Curious about painting? Sign up for an art class. Thinking about strength training? Join a gym.

Take advantage of your exposure to other people.

This is particularly helpful for parents who spend all their free time at their children’s activities. Parents tend to share lots of common interests. If you’re already courtside or hanging out by the sidelines, chatting up another adult about the team’s prospects is always a good conversation starter.

Take the first step.

Introduce yourself. Be curious and ask questions. Show interest in others. Exchange personal information. Plan to get together at a future date.  “I know some people can feel socially awkward at first, but consider that others will feel the same way,” Dr. Jimenez says. “The more you do it, the easier it gets.”

Say yes to both formal and informal invitations, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.

“Take the pressure off. Don’t think about trying to meet your next best friend,” says Dr. Jimenez. “You’re going to hang out and have a good time.”

Invest in your friendships.

Schedule regular in-person meet-ups. Call, text, Zoom. Don’t be shy about taking the lead in organizing plans. Many friendships peter out over time because of a lack of contact, so even if you only have five minutes to phone, make that call.

Schedule activities that your friend or group of friends will enjoy. Dr. Jimenez knows several men who reserve a weekend every year to get together for a Fantasy Football draft. They spend all season and beyond discussing football games, players’ injuries and game strategy.

It doesn’t have to be football, of course. You may be partial to Dungeon & Dragons or a round of pickleball.

Temper your expectations.

In other words, “you don’t have to be the life of the party. It doesn’t have to be instant rapport.”  Growing a friendship takes time.

Also, recognize that one person won’t necessarily fill all your friendship needs. One friend may be your sports enthusiast, the other your fellow investment geek, and a third might be the ideal companion for a night out at the ballet.

 “There’s no magic number about how many friends you need to have and there’s no magic formula,” Dr. Jimenez says. “You can have one that is with you through thick and thin or you can have a group that is your ride-or-die group. It varies according to the individual.”

Written by Ana Veciana-Suarez. Reviewed by Daniel E. Jimenez, Ph.D.

Tags: Dr. Daniel E. Jimenez, friendship and mental health, friendship recession, how to meet people, social connection